Isms

While listening to someone attempt to define the word socialism, I was immediately reminded of the immortal words of Ferris Bueller:

“Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, ‘I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.’ ”

The eighties gave us much more than a drunken future Supreme Court justice who loves beer; it also provided us with some great movie quotes. Unfortunately, the quote does little to explain the -isms Ferris had to learn about in school. So where can we turn for an explanation of these various -ism’s? Ann Landers. Yes, you read that correctly. Her article may help people understand the differences between the various -ism’s we hear about today.

The definitions below are what Ann Landers provided a reader who was having difficulty explaining the different -ism’s to her elementary school class:

Socialism: You have two cows. Give one cow to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. Give both cows to the government, and they may give you some of the milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. You give all of the milk to the government, and the government sells it (and doesn’t give you any).

Nazism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both cows.

Anarchism: You have two cows. Keep both cows, shoot the government agent, and steal another cow.

Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one cow and buy a bull.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government makes you take harmonica lessons.

These may seem like very simplistic definitions of these concepts, but it does hone in on the underlying premise of each -ism. Socialism, for example, demonstrates sharing one’s resources with a neighbor. Whereas fascism exemplifies the concept of giving all the milk you produce to the government, who then sells the milk and keeps all the proceeds. My personal favorite … surrealism.